yesterday

I met my ex-girlfriend yesterday. For some reason, whenever we see each other on campus, we ask each other how each other's life is. A tradition, perhaps. I was surprised to find out myself that I was able give her a positive response without rethinking, and without doubt unlike our other rendezvous in the past.

I can answer with absolute confidence that I'm currently enjoying my life quite well, but with one exception. The concern that is currently whirling inside my mind is the fact that I don't have a partner I'm desperate to spend grand time together with. This is something I'm not willing to compromise in anyway and I think I'm giving a reasonable amount of effort in various directions; fashion, actions, character, carefulness, etc. to significantly increase my charm.

Nevertheless, I'm beginning to doubt the direction or the method I have been taking in order to bring me closer to one of my ultimate goals of my college life. Am I that unattractive? This question is continuously being asked against myself inside my mind and I'm unable to give a clear answer to it, due to lack of confidence that resulted from all those incidents this year.

I'm probably in a need of an almighty manual that will guide me toward realization of my wills. But no such thing exists, especially when human relationships are concerned, like in a way that psychology professor said in his class yesterday.

I'm aware that this debate is going to lead me nowhere, but...never mind. This entree will terminate....right....here.