free web tracker soliloquies: incomplete


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Sunday, October 16, 2005


Backstreet Boys' Incomplete is running endlessly in my head.

Believe it or not, this song probably describes the condition I'm currently situated in the best. I know. They're like the "boyest of the boy bands", nevertheless, this song is actually reflecting my heart.

There are two personalities inside me, each of them telling me what I should do now after I've found out her true feelings. I totally agree that the method I used was really cunning and I should've figured it out myself by asking her directly. Either way, the guesses I had were mostly correct...she doesn't have any feeling towards me that is anything more than a friend or if worse, a classmate. Now, I must choose whether or not I should continue on with the efforts I've put in toward this goal.

If I follow my honest feelings, the answer would be yes. I should go get those tickets, invite her over and make her happy. Would this apparent happiness be her real happiness? That is the question. All I want her to be is happy and if that goal cannot be achieved with me, then I should just get myself out of the competition.

That would mean I must lie to my honest feeling I've been holding ever since the first day I saw her...that day our student IDs were given out. At first, I felt some distance between her, possibly because of her first impression and aura, but as I got to know her better and better, she became more and more attractive. She's fashionable with a great taste and she's got a great sense of humor, which was quite surprising...I just adore it.

Like in a way Daniel Bedingfield sings in his song, her heart currently belongs to another man. That was (hopefully) the main reason of her rejection in July. Attepting an override is not the nicest thing t0 do...but I don't want to become a loser, not relation-wise, but lifewise. You may think I'm crazy, but I have this feeling that I still do have a lot of chance in this gamble and I wouldn't not dare miss the chance, if I do have any.

I haven't spoken to her in a week. I can't find any topics for conversation because of all this thinking I've been doing. I'll at least get the tickets tomorrow I guess for this movie she showed a lot of interest in. I just hope I can bring this relationship towards completion, one step at a time...


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