flashback

An early morning walk I took this morning, after our chaotic all night karaoke in Shibuya brought back some bitter memories I went through last week.(Around October 21-24)

After that proposed plan I had prepared which turned into an illusion, I have noticed 2 contradicting actions by her on Monday and Wednesday. Although I was disappointed by the fact that she rejected me on Monday last week, I have had a lot of sympathy toward the reasons she had written on her diary on GREE. If those reasons actually existed, her rejection would have been inevitable, thus I would not have had any reasons to be disappointed of.

However, her actions this week totally contradicted what she wrote on GREE on that day. Sure, she could have actually sorted things out with her parents or something, but with all that preparation and effort, both mental and economic I put into that plan, I just cannot keep myself calm, emotionally. This is the whole "chemistry" concept I wrote in my Japanese blog yesterday. Her actions are accelerating the process.

A sense of distrust is gradually rooting within my soul. I can't believe I've actually placed all that effort into this crush, just to be fed up with this bullshit and to be emotionally hurt...I'm quite hurt, even though no one may ever find any sympathy toward it. It's probably her nature and she's probably doing it without intentions, but...things just don't go the way you anticipate.

Linkin Park - In The End

It starts with one thing
I don't know why
It doesn't even matter how hard you try keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It's so unreal
Didn't look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on, but didn't even know
Wasted it all just to watch you go
I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try, keep that in mind
I designed this rhyme, to explain in due time
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I'm surprised it got so (far)
Things aren't the way they were before
You wouldn't even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me (in the end)
You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I

I’ve put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
And for all this
There's only one thing you should know