free web tracker soliloquies: future


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Monday, January 30, 2006


With one subject remaining, my examination period is about to end. I had given an acceptable amount of effort into studying this semester and as a result, at least for now, I assume I had made some accomplishments academically: political science, jurisprudence, geography, American regional culture, constitution, civil law and French.

I didn't want to make any compromises study-wise this time, since compromises I made last semester were the root causes of Bs and Ds I got last semester. Besides, only losers are the ones who make compromises in the first place. Other than that, I always want to be a kind of person who is always motivated in some sort. Even though I major law in college now, I have no intention of entering the field of profession that requires judicial license in Japan, like lawyers, prosecutors and judiciary.

Judicial license, or examination in direct translation requires passage of a tough examinations that are set up in stages and in reality, it also requires training in what we call "double school" or private secondary school besides college that specializes in these exams, like "cram schools" for college, high schools and private middle schools. Tuitions for these secondary schools cost as much as university tuitions here and I can't seem to find that much meaning in it.

Also, I have this intention of leaving this country. Not permanently, but temporarily through oversea activities of corporations in a way my father was sent to New Jersey. If I become lawyer right after I graduate college in a way many of my colleagues chose, then my option would narrow, unless I obtain lawyer qualification abroad and work as an international lawyer or something. In Japanese system, there waits another examination when a year and a half training period that is given by the government after the judicial examination, ends.

Anyway, I don't understand why I'm writing all this here, in English, where I get 4-5 accesses per day, but with all that red wine, sake and beer, I guess I'm a bit drunk. Nevertheless, I'm dead serious about what I've written here. I wish I can work for a financial firm that operates around the globe for the time being after graduation and then, I may study for judicial qualification afterwards, when law school restrictions are loosened in 2010.

Besides all this judicial crap, I have this nature I can't understand. When I'm depressed concerning human relationship, I tend to runaway from or block the closest relationship in existence. This action probably derives from my prejudice against others. I understand this kind of behavior will do nothing positive for me, but there seems to be a flow of distrust against everyone at my root. Everyone understands how no one can understand anyone, no matter how close you are to that person and theoretically, I understand this fundamental fact too. Nevertheless, for some reason, my heart is filled with envy against others who apparently seem to be spending much more valuable and fulfilling life compared to mine. I guess the geographical factory is one of the main cause of this conflict and prejudice...why do I live in Kanagawa when most of my friends have much better accessibility to Shibuya?

I think I'll translate this all into Japanese later.


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