free web tracker soliloquies: self disgust


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Friday, May 19, 2006

self disgust

An unknown force is pulling me back from many circumstances I was completely capable of handling. I was able to actively make my movements in similar situations of the past, but now, I am having a lot of difficulty commencing the simplest tasks without the "fair wind" I used to feel. Even though I carefully plan things out, those plans are never brought into action because of my fear of losing something, or better said, recessing.

Why can't I be honest with my own feelings? My feelings are giving me a big, green light, telling me to go, but I don't have the confidence or the guts to do anything that has the potentiality of allowing me to breakthough this gridlock I am currently stuck in.

What do I want? What do I want to do?
What are you afraid of?
I am so disgusted by my own misery.

To be frank, I do know what I want. I know what I must do to obtain that. Lack of confidence and the fear resulting from numerous concerns I have toward the matter are fundamentally bending my ability to think properly. In this spiral of worries, all I can see is the negative outcome of this attempt.

Running around in circles will not get me anywhere and that is for certain....damnit.


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