free web tracker soliloquies: 49/60


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


Am I an idealist? I've began my activity as the group leader for the Cambridge program, asking people's mail addresses and their plans and creating a mailing list based on those acquired information.

The pace of reply is a bit slower than I had originally hoped...but, they will probably turn out sooner or later. This party has a total of 60 members which is an unprecedented size for a group I had ever authorized before. Due to the nastiness of human nature, I believe it would be impossible to band a group of this size...I was unsuccessful in an attempt to band up a group 1/3 of the size; my class.

Even if everyone's not friendly with everyone, I just don't want to see factions popping up all over the place in Cambridge. This will only create an unstable balance of power where people will seek their own interests based on his/her backgrounds. Sadly, this is the way human beings act. As a returnee, I can easily imagine myself being used for various stuff there. English, reports, computer techniques, guiding and so on.

Whenever I had shown my leadership in whatever group of people in Japan, I had always ended up as a tool that was repeatedly used to achieve others' objectives. A spirit of "giving and taking" is rarely rooted in Japanese minds and this fact has disappointed me into deep melancholy and continuous regretting. My class last year was an archetype of this case.

I know it is impossible to group up all 60 in peaceful means, but I would like to do my best to reach maximum amount of satisfation out of most members, even if that goal requires a lot of work. Another social experiment has now commenced...


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