free web tracker soliloquies: 11/20/2005 - 11/27/2005


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005


I met with my high school friends a.k.a. "Group of Sigh-ers" in Shonandai today. No, we don't really sigh that much anymore, but we all used to and that's where the naming came from. lol

Anyway, we got together and had lunch at this place called "Asuka". There, we mainly talked and discussed about more general topics, like "What's up?", "How were you?", "What are we going to do about the trip?" and so on. It was enjoyable and interesting to know what everyone were up to lately.

At around 15pm, 2 of the members had to leave because they both had appointments. Remaining members decided to contiune on with the chat in a Starbucks nearby. The main topic we discussed there was quite timely: relationship.

For some reason, we never really had any serious discussions about love last year. It felt really fresh to talk about this matter with this member, who all incidentally had a crush on someone and were all thrown around because of it. We were unable to reach any united conclusion through the discussion, but I reconfirmed one thing.

"I cannot bare not achieving things I have put a lot of effort into."

Yes, this can only mean one thing. One way or the other, I was able to reach most of the goals I have set in the past. This case unfortunately has not reached its goal yet, despite all the effort I have put into. Unbearable. Refer to my past entrees to find out about most of the efforts I have put into this dream.

Like in a way Savage Garden sings in their song "Gunning Down Romance", love afterall, is just a chemical reaction in your brain. Why do we all have to suffer from this unique emotion which scientifically, does not differ from any other chemical reactions that exist in our environment?

A month to go until the day Jesus was born. Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" is running endlessly in my know who "you" is.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


Today, I went barbequeing with folks from our circle to Fussa in Western Tokyo. We did intercept a lot of troubles on our way there and at the park, but the event itself as a whole was quite enjoyable. I did end up all black and dirty from the smoke and stuff though. lol

Anyway...there are some information you don't want to obtain at a certain timing. Even though if you know you are living in an illusional world you created out of lies, that world may turn out really comfortable for you. I know I don't really have any chance on this matter I had been thrown around for months now, it's at least nice to be able to dream about an unrealistic illusion.

But finally, I think I am able to move on once and for all. I have found an alternative "wonder" I would like to put my effort into. Well, I am not going to tell anyone just yet, but quite attractive, really.

Second thought. I don't know...there's nothing more frightening than a misunderstanding of yourself. That's the kind of state I'm currently situated in. Grrrr....