free web tracker soliloquies: 07/11/2004 - 07/18/2004


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Saturday, July 17, 2004

an unexpected income

Today, I was "hired" by my friend, who was asked by his grandparents to go get them this "thing" in Tokyo. We were given "a big allowance", and off we went to Tokyo. After hours of looking, comparing, picking, and carrying, we successfully accomplished our mission. We stayed at his grandparents', and assembled the parts we bought into the final product. The "thing", that is composed of parts, and costs a few hundred thousand've got the answer.

I was able to finish the product within the day, and I was proud of myself for the accomplishment. Unfortunately, the LCD display we bought had a primary failure, and was like "where's the picture?". Come on! On TV ads, you always say "Ekisho no Sharp"(For LCDs, Sharp), which was like the main reason of our choice. I swear I'll never buy Sharp's displays again, ever. lol We were able to finish up till the installation of Windows XP. This task finished my work for today. Although I still had a lot more settings and installations to actually get the PC on track, his grandparents dismissed me for the day, since it was already quarter past 7.

The unbelievable part was that, his grandparents actually paid me for the day's work. I'm not going to touch on the specific amount, but it was quite fulfilling, and I thought "Hey, I could work in this field sometimes." Well, I'm not experieced enough...yet, but I believe this field still has a lot of potential left for students, longing for a comparably high income. I'd better begin brushing up my techniques for the future!

"the animal song"

Savage Garden - "The Animal Song"

'Cause I want to live like animals
Careless and free like animals
I want to live I want to run through the jungle
The wind in my hair and the sand at my feet

I feel like living like animals, careless and free, without all the fuss, worries, disappointment, anxieties, tiredness, pressures, goals, melancholy, dissatisfaction, relationship, sorrow, pathetic, mess...arrh whatever.

Friday, July 16, 2004

will and grace

Now that my stock of "FRIENDS" is gone, I am seeking for my new entertainment, which I am hoping to be able to obtain over the summer. I searched on, and there was this comedy sitcom, which is supposedly recommended by people whom bought "FRIENDS". It's about this lawyer and an interior coordinator, living together in an apartment in New York. They look like a couple, but the problem is...the lawyer guy is gay.

This sitcom airs in NBC in the States...which is the same channel "FRIENDS" used to, and still airs. It's been voted the 2nd best comedy by the TV watchers, only after "FRIENDS". And whats more, its DVDs are yet unavailable in Japan! However, I haven't been able to see an actual episode of the program. From my research, its likely aired on NHK. I hope this will fulfill my desire a little bit, and fill in the "hole", lying within my mind...

Thursday, July 15, 2004

endless "hollowness"

The Rolling Stones - (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction,
I can't get no satisfaction.
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no.

Classical, isn't it? This is the state I believe I'm in now, and the problem is...I don't understand why. Surprisingly, I'm in despair, and is in the most negative condition I've ever experienced. My grades are not revealed, so I'm not sure yet, but from the test scores, I am quite sure I did well this semester. Therefore, I should be, and I probably am satisfied academically. The problem, I think lies in another area. What is this feeling I have, continuously saying that I'm "missing" or "slipping" an important factor? Why do I think I have a huge hole in my heart, just like the Hydrogen Ion, missing an electron?

When I think I'm just about to grab something, the hesitation slips them all out of my hand. I believe I have done it again. My life recently is definately not fulfilling.

Economically, I assume I am able to place my desires within my hands.
Academically, it's highly likely I will achieve my goals.
Health? No problem. Environment? I believe I'm surrounded by irreplacable friends of both sexes.

Is it just my over expectation?
Is it possible to be completely satisfied in the present day world?
What is it I lack?
What are the ways to obtain that? Jealousy...?

I would not want to live, carrying around regrets in the future. As a positive person, this state is really exhausting, disgusting, tiring, contaminating, unpleasant...please add on more negative words for more realism. There is another semester left in high school. My objective...find out and cure this "hollowness" lying within my heart. I hope I will become truly, happy as soon as possible.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

toreador, en garde, toreador, toreador!

Today was the so called "Performing Arts Appericiation" Day, which takes place annually in the Special Curriculum Period. This year, our school went to the New National Theater in Shinjuku to appriciate the opera "Carmen". For your information, we went to the Four Seasons Theater for the musical "Lion King" 2 years ago, and the National Theater for Kabuki last year.

Comment : "Opera is entertaining, and it is a kind of entertainment I would like to see again in the future. But as a returnee from the States, I prefer musicals superior to opera. They are more modern, and well devised. lol"

Hmm...I knew I had more vivid impression towards it right after its finish, but I guess I lost it all on my way home. Don't blame me! The nap on the train back wiped away all of the inspirations I've received today. Damn! How am I supposed to write the comment sheet Mr. "K" assigned us to write...bummer. Shinjuku, correctly Hatsudai IS VERY FARRRRRR from my house. 20 min. on the bus, an hour on the Shonan-Shinjuku Line, and 5 min. on the Keio New Line on my way there. You do the math. It took me longer on my way back, since JR East was not kind enough to offer me the Shonan-Shinjuku Line at that time period. I had to take the Yamanote Line all the way to Shinagawa, and take the Yokosuka Line from there. It's one of the reasons why I never visit Shinjuku. Too inconvinient. Shibuya on the other hand, is very convinient, thanks to the Tokyu Toyoko Line. Cheap AND fast. How's it possible to get any better than this? lol

p.s. Oh yeah, I was able to reserve myself a seat on the Yamanote Line for the first time in my life. How emotional. lol Also, totally irrelavant but, I would love to see the "The Phantom of the Opera", the musical once again. In English, of course.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

il fait chaud!!!!!

It was HOT today, as you may already see from the title. Additional heat rising from the asphalt and originating from the outdoor units of A/Cs has brought up the temperature to somewhere between 36C - 40C. Whatever the temperature was today, it was way too hot for me to bear...phew!

Coincidentially, I was able to reconfirm this thing, which I've been feeling the past few summers today. My school is located in this...let's say rural "inland", and I live in a seaside city in Kanagawa. Whenever I get off the train at the station nearest to my house, I've always felt that the city I live in is cooler than the area my school is located.

Sea breeze? Probably. There actually is this breeze, blowing continually in my hometown. I've learned in middle school that during the day, wind blows from the sea the land, and the opposite happens during nighttime. From my experience, I assume this information is in fact, a fact. lol But my modernized lifestyle has made air conditioning my best option for relaxation. I actually may contribute to global warming and heat island effects...oh well.

Another thing. The Meteorological Agency announced today that the "Tsuyu" or the rainy season has ended in the Kanto Region today. Hooray or bummer, is yet to be decided. Although the amount of precipitation was supposedly half the amount compared to an average year, the resevoirs have enough water reserved, right? Water restriction sucks! Well, it's probably bearable compared to the electricity restriction of last year.


This is a screenshot of my desktop. The software shown with it's silver-gray frame is called iTunes. As many of you may know, I am a "proud" iPod user (lol), and this software is used for synchronization. Whatever songs I add on to this software's library is automatically transmitted to my iPod anytime I connect it on to my PC. This application can also be used as an jukebox software, meaning that I'm able to play the songs on my PC using this.

Currently, I've registered 1644 songs on the library. My music loving nature has made me listen to music simultaneously whenever I'm doing something on my PC for quite a while, but this new feature added on the newest version of iTunes is really awesome! The software randomly picks 50 songs off your library, and plays them for me automatically. 1644 is a large number and therefore, I have a lot of songs I don't even remember adding. This mode helps me remember some of the great songs lying deep inside my collection. One of the song which came on today was "She" by Elvis Costello. This song was featured in the movie "Notting Hill", and was used in the climax. I just love the sweet melody this song retains. The lyrics are great too! I wonder why I am admiring this type of's not like...nah, I lack the truthfulnes, integrity, and honesty to say anything straight. Well, it's all up to your imagination! Try listening to it, if you ever have the chance to. You'll love it!

p.s. The movie itself is really heartwarming also. A must see!

Monday, July 12, 2004

withdrawal symptom

Arrrgh! The boredom today has made me watch the last 10 episodes of "FRIENDS", which I was planning to save until the Season 8 DVDs were released in the States. I've been addicted to "FRIENDS" ever since...I dunno, a while ago. lol Although the broadcast has ended in May, DVDs are only released up to Season 7, which was aired in 2000-2001 in the States. From this, the scenes inside these episodes do include the Twin Towers. Yes, I've purchased all of the DVDs currently available in the States; Seasons 1-7 and the Finale DVD. What? You're telling me I should watch the finale? You must be kidding! I can't just skip 3 years of plot just to calm my symptom down. Things must be in order, right? lol

I do realize that the Season 8 DVDs are already released here in Japan, but the price is so fraudulent. I mean, on, they sell them at around 30 bucks per season. But here, you need to pay additional 50-60 bucks in order to complete a single season. Unfortunately, the logic that I've wrote in April is also working on DVDs, along with the CDs. It's not like I can't afford to buy the Japanese versions, but I just can't pay additional money for the unnecessary Japanese subtitle, additional PV crap and stuff. It's too wasteful.

Warner Bros. and NBC! Can't you see how people are frenzy over "FRIENDS", not only in the States/Canada, but worldwide? You wan't profit? I'll give you profit! Just please release additional seasons, before I go insane...pretty pleeeeeeeeez!!! :-(

Sunday, July 11, 2004


Nothing special happened today. I just stayed home, slept, took a nap, dozed off, and snoozed. lol

There was the Upper House election today, and the Democratic Party is making a good fight against the Liberal Democratic Party. It's not that I support the Democratic Party, but I assume that the current political balance of power is unbeneficial for Japan, since the ruling parties are having too much power in the Diet, making them too oppressive when making new policies or laws. An ideal balance, I believe is for ruling coalition to have close to, but less than half of the seats. This system would prevent the ruling parties to force the bills through the parliament, like in the cases of the pention bills last year.

Japanese politic is moving torwards two-party system. This would balance the power distribution, bringing on more logical, beneficial debates in the parliament, and a possible cabinet change. What will the new admininstration do for us? This question is answered only from the ballots the voters place in these elections. The current poll rate is too low in this country. Election is a major factor of your life. It's decision will effect your life from various directions, and I can't understand why people are giving away their votes on a matter this large...gradually, the results are coming out. These new lawmakers are going to shoulder one factor of this nation's future...good luck to them all!