free web tracker soliloquies: 09/12/2004 - 09/19/2004


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Saturday, September 18, 2004


Not much to say...we made fireworks at school today. It was quite enjoyable, and interesting too. Pretty, but smelly. lol

My grandpa came over today. With the rare existance of my father, I've had a time togather with my family. He's soooo healthy, even though he's turned 86 this year. Wow.

I've found out that yesterday's post was my 100th. Hooray!

Friday, September 17, 2004

zero. but really?

My personality seems to make me a "giving person" by making me assist, help, explain or teach various things naturally. This fact sometimes makes me think whether or not the time and effort I put into these things are worthful...of course, this is not really an issue for the people I really care about, but my nature extends the range to some "not as important" people too. When I do things like this, a slight expectation zips through my mind. I mean, I'm not expecting anything in "return", but naturally, these thoughts do come up. These expectation in most cases aren't fulfilled, which makes me really disappointed, making me think like it's not acutually worth doing these services.

My father once told me his opinion. He said that when this issue is seen from a "lifelong" perspective, everyone ends up not gaining anything, nor losing anything...a plus minus zero. However, my current situation makes it hard to take in this hypothesis. Am I getting some wonderful things in return, but am not being able to sense them from my lack of sensitivity? If this is true, maybe his theory is right...but who knows? How can we measure them? Impossible, right? We'll never know... Even though I'm making a complaint on this blog, I probably won't be able to resist continuing on like this. I guess it's my destiny or something...sigh.

Thursday, September 16, 2004


Nothing really happened at school all school days. Oh, but I think I've found what I'm going to do for the ethics presentation though. Good news, since I couldn't think up of anything to present.

I was kind of blue last night, which made me start watching some memorable episodes of "FRIENDS". As many of you know, the main characters of this sitcom hangs out at a coffee house called "Central Perk". I started to have the crave for coffee after watching the coffee house scene. This was great, because I really wanted to try out this new caffe maker thing. The tool was really simple, and I was able to make the cappucino milk foam, quick and easy. In fact, I've always wanted a cappucino maker....those $500 ones I can't afford. But I think this tool's just for the job. Thank you very much!

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


I'm beginning to notice how painful it is to be alone, even though I used to favor some degree of solitude. However, now it seems that my nature had changed without me noticing it...I just can't resist being alone, especially when there's someone I really want to be with, as long as possible.

Also, my positiveness is making me overexpect on things. When I expect someone to do things up to a certain level, and he or she does it only up to a level lower than that in real life, that fact makes me really disappointed. I should just take things more easily and be more practical about everything, but the expecting nature of me seems unavoidable.

Am I just being greedy? Is the way things are now in the best format? My will of monopolizing is just getting bigger... I feel like there's a bomb inside my heart that is about to explode and I would really love to let the explosion out by igniting it, although I don't have enough confidence and courage to light it's fuse. An "incident" that had occured in the past is being a trauma for me. Please give me a one last nudge...that will do, I think.

I don't understand why I'm writing about a matter this private on a public place like this, when it's most likely seen by some people I know...I guess it's probably because I lack the obiedience to say this at a place more proper. Why am I lying to my own feeling? Why am I pretending that I'm not seeing the signal? Some quotes for my heart. Sigh. I hate myself.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
Carl Jung

Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
Abraham Lincoln

Man is the artificer of his own happiness.
Henry David Thoreau

In these matters, the only certainty is that nothing is certain.
Pliny the Elder

Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainly is absurd.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

still feeling sick

I wonder why yesterday's blog wasn't uploaded as I intended it to...I wrote in the midst of exhaustion and sickness, killing the sleepiness. Oh well. Anyway, I went to Sakuragicho today to return the books I borrowed from the Prefecturial Library. Even though I had a nice time on my way there, the story of the return itself is boring, so I'll skip that part.

After I returned the books, I walked over to the Minato Mirai side of the station, and went to Vivre, like I always do when I visit Sakuragicho. The purpose get myself some imported drinks that are unavailable here in Japan. Growing up in the States, I've drank a different variety of drinks there. Root Beer, Cream Soda, Mountain Dew, Cherry Coke, Vanilla Coke, Dr. Pepper, Snapples, Pepsi Blue, Upside Down 7UP...the list would be endless.

Some of the drinks listed above are available on selected vending machines, but others are difficult to get your hands on. Pepsi Blue and Vanilla Coke were available in the past, but had retreated from the Japanese market. My selection today was the A&W Root Beer, the Upside Down 7UP. Memorable, just memorable.

In places like Minato Mirai, couples are a commonplace. I've learned how to entertain myself from manwatching from some of my friends, and now it is one of my favorite things to do while walking. Prints written on some of the guy's shirts were hilarious! Let me introduce two from the sightings todaye.

"Some birds build their nest with twigs." Ooh, like I'VE NEVER KNEW THAT.
"Make a wild&Drink milk" Ingredients for "Wild". One teaspoon of sugar, Two cups of milk...NOT.

I wonder if they even now the meanings written on those shirts...oh, another episode. When I visited Bali this summer, I saw a Japanese girl there, wearing a shirt from a popular Japanese brand called "Playboy". I'm curious what those Australians there at the AIRPORT thought seeing that. It was a GIRL that was wearing it, and the print read "PLAYBOY". Hahaha.

By the way, I think I'm still kinda sick...better go to bed early. Bye

p.s. I would love to take a ride on that ferris wheel, before it gets too cold to endure the 15min.? ride.

Monday, September 13, 2004

the group of sighs

I'm feeling sick. I think I've caught, or am catching a cold. A minor headache, and a whole lot of sneezing. The origin? Definately the MSN, from someone who had previously been suffering from a cold herself, which was also bundled with a headache. Now people are actually able to transmit cold germs along with viruses over the internet. The advancement of the IT technologies are impressive! jk

Sneezing was not the kind of symptom that came along with my colds in the past. My normal cold symptoms consisted of temperature, headache, and chills. I'm actually sneezing nowadays, in exchange for a drop in possibility of fevers. All that sneezing had exhausted my jaws and the corresponding organs surrounding it, and I don't feel like talking "orally" now.

With a runny nose, I edited after school with my 6F gangs. The computers behaved awful. Compability was a big issue, and the Premiere vomitted out the file we worked on for 3 hours, making it unreadible. This had accerarated my cold's progress, simultaneously making everyone melancholic. Nevertheless, the good news was that we were able to complete one of our video footage, with transitions, sound effects, and the bgm inserted. Hooray! :)

After editing, I had a crave for sweets from the exhaustion, I guess...which brought all of us, including Chihiro to Denny's in Shonandai for some sweets, although we all ended up eating the "Yoru Denny" dinner course. Some positive happenings occured there, making everyone a bit joyful, and happier. I had the big sundae shown on the pic for dessert. What a mismatch...I can't believe I actually paid additional 210 yen for an upgrade. lol

Even though the first half of the day was awful, the fun time I had after school had wiped away all of the mental negative factors away. Now, I would like to let the medication do the wipe out of the physical negativeness. Let the fight begin!

live from avc b

I'm writing this blog for Mr. Kringle's class. I don't feel like studying for the upcoming quiz just yet, so I'll just observe what I see. On my left, Yuki is making a rough draft of his blog on Microsoft Word. On the left of him, Tatsuro is making his entree, currently on his third line. On my right, Yuta began making his blog post on Word, and on his right, Michiko's blabbering with Manabu. On my back, someone is making her blog too. This can probably conclude that everyone's making their blogs this period.

The End.

Sunday, September 12, 2004

season 8 is here!

The fact that I've reslept 4 times today has screwed up my plans, along with the appearance of my mother's friends, which is making the 1st floor inaccessible. I guess I'll just have to return those books from the Prefectural Library on Tuesday then.

I've been collecting DVDs of the popular sitcom
"FRIENDS", ever since this year began, and I currently own the American version of the Seasons 1-7 DVD collection, and the Finale DVD. Purchasing of these DVDs were done on the online retailer, of the States, which means I'm personally importing these DVDs to Japan. The last purchase was done in April, right after the Season 7 Collection was released in the States. Even since then, I've not been able to watch any new episodes in the Season 8, because I just don't feel like paying 300 yen per disc in Tsutayas here, when you can buy them just by adding little addtional money on

I've been lending these DVDs to some "FRIENDS" favoring people. Yesterday on MSN, I chatted with one of the people I'm currently lending my DVDs to, and because of that, "FRIENDS" was the topic between me and her. From this conversation, I was curious on whether or not the Season 8 Collection was released in the States. I went over to, typed in "FRIENDS Season 8" on the search thing...there it was, although it still was in the pre-order stage. The planned release date seemed to be November 9th or something...oh, great. Right before the "Achievement Test". I'm going to buy it anyway though. I've already used about $250 to collect the DVDs I already have, and there only are 3 more seasons left to complete the collection. Season 8 starrs Brad Pitt, and Sean Penn as guest stars. Interesting. Anyway, why can't they release them more steadily?