free web tracker soliloquies: 12/05/2004 - 12/12/2004


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Saturday, December 11, 2004


Today, I saw about 5 foreign people(a term I prefer over "foreigner", in the same way I try not to use the term "gaijin" in Japanese) during the 30 minutes I spent biking. Although its pace is slow, a wave of internationalization is gradually coming to Japan, I guess.

Anyway, is there a thick, concrete, invulnerable wall surrounding me? I always try to send and am sending all these "nice stuff" out and I always have this "thing" in my mind, but I don't think these efforts are being recognized by the targeted person. This really depresses I overexpecting in the first place? Does everyone not have enough thoughtfulness inside them to send me back these "nice stuff" of any sort I constantly try to send out? Who's just a wave that keeps on coming and going inside me in an unperiodic intervals...

Another thought. I thought that the condition of which someone has gotten used to these "nice stuff" is really scary, because then you'll not be able to appreciate and understand the happiness you are getting from its reception. When that person loses them, then he/she would finally be able to understand the preciousness of them for the first time...but by that time, it's too late. People should appriciate all the support he/she is getting from people that surround him/her, whatever the status that person is in. The higher the status, more appriciation and thankfulness should be given back to him/her.

Friday, December 10, 2004

some thoughts

Hmm...I'm running out of Christmas photos to use for this blog...I need 15 more to keep this "project" going. lol

I don't really have anything to write about today. I was kind of pissed off throughout the day...for "yes" particular reason, but the anger that was the root of my irritation and melancholy had somewhat vaporized inside me, without any "rough reaction" with it. No, it's not about the test.

You know what? Human beings are meant to suffer from confusion, doubts and questions throughout their lives. Of course, with the glorious thinking power we have, we are able to conquer these causes of the suffering, but another one arises soon after one before it deminishes. Sometimes, these causes arise simultaneously. This is like our destiny...well, we are able to sense a feeling of accomplishment when these problems are solved, which is like the only motivation that keeps us moving, I think. No, it's not like I want to die or anything, but these thoughts came up suddenly today in my mind. What do you think?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

credibility gap

Some of the tests came back today...5 back, 7 to go.
Results: pretty well, but the subjects I did worse are coming back tomorrow. Oh well.

Today, I got this information from...let's say a "reliable source". Because of it, my credibility gap had grown even wider than the "wideness" it already had been. "Leakages" are indeed impossible to fix and things like this spread like an epidemic. But...
who the HELL!?

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

xmas present

Yesterday, my mother asked me for my request of her christmas present. I'm not really sure how many more of these "christmas presents" I'm going to be able to get in the future from my parents, since I'm gradually becoming an adult and according to my mother's way of thinking, only children deserve them.

Normally, I would probably be able to answer it straight at the speed of light, but this year, not just because my family is experiencing one of the worst economic depressions in years, I was not able to give an answer to that question in an instant. Of course, I always want money in great quantity, not just to buy things, but also for...relief. However, in my family tradition, asking for money for a present, especially on Christmas is a taboo.

All the things I want now are really expensive...for instance, a new computer, which is way too overpriced to ask for a Christmas present. A watch? I'm not really in a need for it and the model I really want costs...a lot. A new cell handset? Reasonable, but it's not the kind of thing to ask on Christmas. A new iPod? My old one is still working and I still am able to add on at least 500 more songs with the current capacity. Besides, I'm a proud owner of the "older model", not like all of you whom bought it after the trend came. Ha! lol Fashion items, like last year? Yeah, most practical, but they could be difficult to get from my father, because he's kinda against me being "over fashionable" for my age in his way of thinking. A black woolen scarf? I wanted it, but the weather's too warm and the necessity is going down, day after day.

Even though I really don't have things I want that much now, Christmas is like one of the biggest chances throughout the year to get expensive stuff! I'd better find something soon...or maybe I should just ask them for money...I'm sure that I'll gain more if I ask for the actual product though. Any opinions? Please e-mail me

Oh, my mother proposed me a trip to Europe next summer! Proposed destinations are the Netherlands, France and Switzerland. Yippeee!!!! lol

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

a day off

Things I did today.
- Watched 4 episodes of FRIENDS
and 2 episodes of Roswell.
- Got a haircut.

Things I must do today, but don't really care much about.
- Study for the French final tomorrow.

I wonder if I'll be able to hold on for another week...or at least for a couple more days. That'll decide whether it's worth it or not. I have this bad better stay a bad feeling and not become a reality.

Monday, December 06, 2004


Day 4. Main flow of our final "finals" finished today. I don't know...I think I did well, except Math C. Basically, I am unable to solve problems that I've never solved, which is like completely off the expectaions our math teachers are having toward us. lol I think I was able to get the problems that were same or relavant to the ones on the textbook, but nothing further than that. That's my first "unfortunate" of today.

I had this thought today. Don't you think it is really unfortunate to "know" everything when you're still young? Of course, I don't have any knowledge on things you gain from experiences after you go out into the society, but what I mean by "knowing everything" is like...the sense you have toward products or the level of value. When you are mentally mature like this, the level of satisfaction is not sustainble by the social status of a high schooler or a college student. If you have a lower level of value, you'll be able to be fulfilled by something of a lower level, which could be fortunate on some perspective.

Japanese people, who often have an attribution toward branded good are unfourtunate, similar in the way I am. Although I don't have any attribution towards branded goods, I do have one towards design oriented or high quality products, which in most cases, are expensive as I've once written here. It's practically impossible to satisfy myself, because the pace I get my hands on them is really slow...well, it's impossible to completely satisfy human desire in the first place, nothing to brag, but I wish I could degrade my sense in some way.

Oh yeah. I've decided to have a "social experiment" in a 2 month span. I just hope I'd be able to get the result I anticipate...

Sunday, December 05, 2004


It was insanely warm and windy in Kanto Region today. Storm system that weakened from a typhoon swept through Kanto region, bringing in warm, south-west wind into the system.

- Record high of December in Tokyo was renewed, with someplaces such as Kumagaya and Hachioji recording 26C, which is called a "summer day" in Japan.
40.2m/s, strongest wind ever to be recorded in Tokyo was observed, even though the system wasn't a typhoon. It's equivalent to 144.72km/h.

These two "record breakers" happened in December. From the ancient times, Japanese used to be fond of and proud of the beautiful seasons that came and went every year, as we can see from uncountable haikus written by numerous people. But now this seasonal feeling we used to feel is quickly diminishing. We are unable to sense the change in seasons, which was like the only thing we could be proud of in this country and was the main source of good "heartedness" us Japanese used to have. Maybe this rapid change in our climate is the main source of the social breakdown our society is experiencing, other than slow economic growth and high unemployment rate of the 1990s after our bubble economy...

day 3 1/2

Day 3 1/2. lol

An unnecessary day off from school in the midst of test period. Yeah, I'm at least studying the minumun amount, that is, Math C. I've gotten halfway through now, but I just can't figure out the reason(or reasons?) why 200(2) and 201 lead to the answers and explanations written on the appendix? Why does it flip??? Unfortunately, the answer to that question is nowhere to been seen on my notebook...oh, please. Anyway, I won't be able to get anything above B whether I work on it or not. I'm just doing it for...confirmation. Well, g2g!