free web tracker soliloquies: 04/30/2006 - 05/07/2006


so・lil・o・quy/- n. [C,U] a speech in a play in which a character talks to himself or herself, so that the audience know the character's thoughts.

Saturday, May 06, 2006

deep into the night

I'm having difficulty getting to sleep. It's past 2 already and if it were normal me, then I would've been asleep hours ago. In deep, long nights like these, I tend to think about various matters that don't really have much importance.

I have a haunting past. Better said, my past is haunting me and as an action of self defense against this past, I am addicted and obsessed with English. English is acting like an shield which I believe is partially protecting me from all my failures and mistakes.

Like in a way all lives are, my life in the States was far from perfect. I've had a lot of concerns from many of the events I've experienced there, regarding a lot of different stuff. Nevertheless, its environment was quite comfortable compared to the one I am currently placed in. This may sound like another one of my infamous complaints, but bear with me. This is probably an identity issue.

I may become a lot more happier if I can wipe all of my memories related to those happy years in the States and face the reality I am situated in. I have set a ridiculously high standard through those years. Even though I probably am in what Japanese people would recognize as an "upper class" life, I am still unsatisfied with it. Unconciously, I've built a huge wall which is preventing me from moving on. This is where that expression comes in place: grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Things have definitely changed in the States and I know that for sure. There's no assurance I would have remained happy if my life continued on to high school, both socially and economically. After all, I would have been a foreigner no matter how hard I tried. Nevertheless, I was really happy this year during my visit.

This huge, mental hurdle I have established is the one I must get over with. My grandmother experienced a similar stage in her life too, according to her memoir she told me the day before yesterday. It's never helpful to be in the best stage of your life during your youth. However, now being one of those people, I have no way but to bear this inferiority I continuously feel and move on, attempting to recreate that stage I cherish once again in the future.

Friday, May 05, 2006

a day at work

Life is full of irony and this fact has been known for a while already...I think.

For some reason, I am having a lot of shift cuts when I need the money for my payment. My shifts are not cut because of my lack of experience or because I'm getting detentions for my inferior performance. Since we are getting a lot less orders than expected, the whole center closes early. What's worse, I'm having a lot of idle time during my shift too with nothing to do.

This sort of situation never happened in March or April when I first began this job and its stable flow of work was a point I praised the most. I guess I'm just going to have to throw myself in for a couple more Sundays to meet my income goal for this month. Boo hoo.

may 5th

Short time, no see...given the fact that I haven't written in 2 days. I had a lot of family affairs yesterday and today.

On Tuesday, I went shopping with my mom after school and she chose her gift for Mother's Day in Takashimaya Department Store. For some reason, all the "people related holidays" are greatly respected in my family. We always celebrate Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, wedding anniversaries with a lot of devotion and gift givings.

Afterwards, we had dinner at Chungking Restaurant, located in Yokohama's Chinatown. The restaurant is my grandfather's favorite and whenever my grandfather calls us up for dinner, we all adjust our schedules and have dinner there. Dinner there was great like always, especially the noodles I ordered after dinner. They were one of a kind. My grandfather came home with us and stayed at our place that night.

On Wednesday, my "other" grandmother came over. I made my explanation about my summer school program I applied to during lunch to my grandmother and my grandfather. Fortunately, my grandmother, who had already shown her sympathy toward my will had agreed to lend me money that will allow me to make my upcoming payment. Furthermore, my grandfather too, gave me a large "contribution" to me which was totally unexpected. I can't thank them enough. My family spent some grand time at our house yesterday, talking about various matters regarding both sides of my family.

The amount of achievement you gain is enormous, once you make up your mind toward a clear goal. This program is indeed a clear objective I have put my devotion into and as a result, I have gained a lot of understanding from the members of my family. No matter how persuasive you are, your actions and results are the only factors that prove your achievements.

I have made a grand design for my other objective today. I wish this mission will go along as well as my summer school program.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

april showers bring may flowers

Like all Tuesdays ever since school began last month, cold raindrops were consistently falling from the dark, gloomy sky with an occasional rumbling of thunder. It was pretty frightening to walk under those gingko trees with random flashes of lightning streaking through the sky since trees have a lot more tendency to be hit by a lightning.

Other than that, it was pretty much an ordinary school day in Hiyoshi. 2 periods of French, 1 period of Civil Law, 1 cancelled period of Constitutional Law. As you can see, I don't really have much to write about today. Nothing interesting, nothing new, nothing impressional...nothing interesting.

In Britain or Northeastern United States, there's a saying I've placed as the title for this post. It doesn't really apply here though.

the davinci code...not

.seugolonom dnuoforp emos fo snoitaterpretni ym ro serutcejnoc ym no desab snoitca dlob yna ekat ot ecnedive ro ecnedifnoc, egaruoc eht evah t'nod I

Monday, May 01, 2006


Capital Region of Japan which is centered around Tokyo is one of the most overpopulated areas of the world with 30 million inhabitants. There are places with higher population density like Monaco or Singapore for example, but it’s an deniable fact that Tokyo is the largest metropolitan area in the world.

Golden Week has begun here and people are everywhere. This expression seems a bit exaggerated but I'm not in anyway. Yokohama Station today was like a hooligan meeting or something. The whole corridor was blocked with clogged up flow of people.

With an environment like this, I believe there is no better laboratory to start up a new study that devotes itself into flow of people...let's call it "flowology" or something. For example, this new science can create ways to efficiently move people from place to place in transportation centers or in stadiums. In an overpopulating world we are probably going to see during our lifetime, this would bring great solutions to problems most of the urban centers commonly carry.

As the title of this blog implies, this is another one of my soliloquies I've decided to post on cyberweb. Thanks for your audience.